Feels Like Home
by Angel Interceptor
Summary: Bella has a new College Boyfriend, leaving Scout and Sean trying to cope alone. SLASH
1. Searching

The day had turned to dusk before Scout had finished in Friendly's. Long shadows lay across the empty road, the trees gently rustling in the breeze, their rusty leaves drooping in the typical autumn weather. Scout couldn't help but glance towards the gas station. New signs had replaced the Banks' ones, "Hunting's Auto Repairs" now adorned every available inch. Charlie, demoted to a mere mechanic, was peering under the bonnet of a scruffy looking blue truck, shouting instructions to an unknown person inside. Bella no longer worked there, the position she had held was now filled by her father. How demeaning, Scout thought, letting his glance rest upon the older man. Automatically, he glanced towards the tiny office, remembering how he'd used to look across at Bella, keeping an eye on her, watching her move. But now? He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her. He knew from Will that she had a Saturday job in one of the clothes shops on the main street, selling mini skirts to thirteen year olds. She'd changed. Somehow, she'd been humbled by the experience of losing her home, her business, and the humiliating betrayal by her own mother. She was no longer the strong independent woman that had first attracted Scout to her; she'd lost that glow, that innocence. No longer did she join the Rawley gang for ice cream and coke after their shifts had finished - the divide between the groups had widened beyond recognition. Will's constant fight to prove himself worthy had escalated into what seemed to be a twenty four hour work marathon, only broken by his shifts at Friendly's and the once weekly crew practice. Now the season was over, the practice was nothing more than an exercise in keeping fit, kept on by Finn, Scout thought, just to stop Will from hermitting completely. Even now, as night was falling, Will was perched at the counter trawling through critical essays on D.H Lawrence, taking brief notes on his order pad with a leaky biro.  
  
"Don't you ever stop?" Scout asked with a half smile, pouring his roommate a coke.  
  
Will glanced briefly at Scout, gulping back the coke, "I need to get a good mark on this essay," he explained, flicking through the last few pages of the dog-eared library book.  
  
"You need to get some sleep," Scout was quiet, eyeing Will up and down, "You look exhausted - when was the last time you got to bed before one?" Will had dark shadows under his eyes, his skin pale and drawn. His coppery hair, once shiny, now sat lanky next to his skin.  
  
"I'm fine," Will intoned, draining the coke. He flicked his attention back towards DH Lawrence.  
  
Scout shrugged - he was obviously not in the mood for talking. He never was, nowadays. The days of easy camaraderie between the two were long gone - ever since the beginning of fall semester, Will had been working harder than probably ever before, the scare with his scholarship having terrified him into submission. "I thought you were meeting Sean tonight?" Scout changed the subject, "I thought you said there was a baseball thing going on?"  
  
Will checked his watch - damn - fifteen minutes late. Chucking the books into his scruffy rucksack, he was out of the diner in seconds, throwing a quick 'see you later' to a bemused Scout.  
  
It was almost time to shut. Only a few more minutes, and it didn't look like there would be any more customers. Scout allowed himself the luxury of an ice cream, settling down at the end of the counter to savour it. He was interrupted only by the door opening. His mouth dropped.  
  
"Bella?" he managed, no more sound coming out. It was Bella, Bella Banks, hand in hand with a tall, dark man in dark-rimmed glasses and jeans.  
  
"Hey Scout," she was quieter now, less faith in the world, "are we too late for a coffee?"  
  
He shook his head. "I haven't seen you for a while, Bella," he managed, fixing the drinks. Using the machine meant he didn't have to look at her, watch her long fingers intertwined with the stranger's.  
  
"No."  
  
Scout could feel her eyes on his back. Still, watchful.  
  
"I'd like you to meet someone, Scout," Scout let his gaze fall to the newcomer, "This is Billy Hampton, my boyfriend." She shot him a tentative smile, for a second, she was the Bella Scout had come to know and love again, "Billy, I'd like for you to meet Scout Calhoun, my half-brother."  
  
Scout tried so hard to look unshaken, it almost made Bella smile. Billy held out his hand, "Pleased to meet you, Scout," zombie like, Scout let the taller man pump his hand up and down. Scout knew his hand was the clammiest.  
  
"Billy's going to be an engineer," she confided, leaning over the counter, "he goes to college."  
  
"Oh really?" Scout tried to show interest but all he could focus on was Bella - his sister, for Christ's sake - and her new boyfriend. Desperately trying not to feel jealous - incest was a dirty word and not one he was particularly keen on - Scout passed over the coffees with shaking hands. "Enjoy," he muttered, not making eye contact, "I've got some stuff to do in the back, closing up stuff". He was careful not to let his eyes meet Bella's.  
  
Once in the kitchen, it was all Scout could to do to stay standing. Leaning heavily on the stainless steel worktops, he took a long, deep breath, and wondered what it was about the whole situation that reduced him to a quivering mess. From the diner, he could hear the gently murmur of their conversation, the occasional high-pitched laugh from Bella, interplayed with the deeper one he assumed to be Billy's.  
  
He couldn't remember the last time he had heard Bella laugh.  
  
"Scout?" Bella spoke tentatively as she stuck her head into the kitchen, "You ok?"  
  
"Wha. oh yeah, I'm fine. Just tired." Scout managed to look as if he were drying the last of the cooking stuff, sticking spatulas into the huge drawer.  
  
"I really like him," she said quietly, her fingers drumming nervously on the tabletop.  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Scout still had his hands in the cutlery drawer, and for emphasis he started to finger the knives, the steel clattering against steel. "and I'm just your half-brother."  
  
There was a very long silence, neither of them looking at each other. "Exactly." Bella said finally. "I really like him, Scout." She said once more. Scout said nothing, not looking up from the cutlery. Moments later, he heard the swing of the front door, the jangling bell signifying their silent exit.  
  
Scout slammed the drawer shut.  
  
"Damn," he muttered, "Damn, damn, damn."  
  
He set off to find Will, desperately needed the easy reassurance that had come from their unlikely friendship over the summer. In St Martin, they'd talked like there had been no tomorrow, and Scout knew that the baseball season was always rounded off by the guys taking up residence on the baseball field with some beers and talking till way into the night, hitting the odd ball. though Scout had outwardly shunned the activity as strictly for the townies, and besides that, illegal; secretly he longed for the intensity and loyalty of long term friends. The only people he'd known all his life were the children of his parent's friends; Paige, Caroline, to a certain extent. No-one he could count on if the going got rough. Until Will. And even that seemed to be ending.  
  
New Rawley was pretty noisy at night. Kids were playing in all the streets, lights streamed out of every window, noises ricocheting from one house to the next. The whole thing made Scout long for acceptance, in any stance. He'd never had a home like this - his house stood empty and secluded away from the road, in its own private grounds. As did the homes of all his friends. Previously he had loathed the idea of living so close to one another, but now, now he was faced with such a dilemma, he felt as if there was no-where and no-one to which he could turn. Jake and Hamilton -they had each other. They were insulated against the world. Paige had disappeared to Europe; Bella had removed herself from his life completely. Will - Will was so terrified of losing the tenuous grip he had on his life, he was alienating himself from everything that had the power to hurt him. A sudden, melancholic stab of terrible loneliness gripped him.  
  
Scout scuffed leaf pile after leaf pile as he wandered aimlessly from the main street. His tentative earlier decision to infiltrate Will's evening seemed more and more ridiculous with every step. He wasn't acting normally at the moment, he couldn't think straight. Couldn't think past the haunting image of Bella with her arms round the other guy. Bella's long blonde hair silhouetted against the darkness of his shadow. Bella.  
  
The baseball field arrived as if from nowhere. One moment he was wandering through street after street, the next he was stood by the chicken wire ring that encircled the New Rawley baseball pitch. It was a funny time of year to be playing baseball, he'd said to Will. Will had shrugged and mumbled something about tradition. Rounding the season off, or something.  
  
Funny thing was, there was no baseball game going on. No townies hoovering warm beer and laughing. Just the thwack after thwack of ball being hit, tennis serve style, by a solitary figure. The dusk had heightened into almost pitch black, the moon hidden by the cloudy sky, meaning there were no lights to intensify the experience of playing.  
  
*thwack *  
  
*thwack *  
  
Could it be Will? Scout was unsure. The figure was of a similar height to his absent roommate, but in the hollow darkness. Scout could make out nothing else. In the vain hope that he would be able to sort his head out with Will, he sank down onto the scruffy bleachers outside of the pitch.  
  
Bella, Bella. Where the hell had she found this guy? College? Bella was only sixteen for Christ's sake - what the hell did a college guy want with a sixteen year old? He ground his fist into his palm. Stupid question. If he was a college guy, Scout knew exactly what would be required and wanted of a sixteen year old. If he hurt her, Scout swore he'd kill him. The fact that he'd never really been in a fight before was unimportant, right then. He was so busy planning the downfall of Billy, he didn't notice that the heavy thwack of bat upon ball had silenced.  
  
In front of him, sweat pouring off every inch of skin, breathing heavily, hands on hips, stood Sean.  
  
Sean said nothing, his eyes firmly fixed on Scout. Aggression haunted his face, his mouth pursed, his fists clenched by his side. Scout said nothing, clenching and unclenching his fists. He felt like hitting something, and if Sean started on him, there was a just cause for retaliation. But as quickly as it started, Sean's aggression was gone. Unclenching his fists with a low growl, he pulled his sopping t-shirt off, revealing a ripple of muscles. Picking up his water bottle, he squeezed it so that it soaked him like a shower, his eyes never leaving Scout's. The aggression was replaced by a desperate haunting. Like Will, it looked as if Sean hadn't slept for days.  
  
"Have you met him?" Sean was sat on the bleacher below Scout, staring out into the darkness, his voice low.  
  
"Just now." Scout was equally quiet. "You?"  
  
"No." Sean drained the last of the water from the bottle. As he moved, muscles rippled across his back. Scout, envious of the incredible definition, couldn't take his eyes of them. Even in the darkness, the movement was palpable. "She came round to tell me it was over though," his fingers twisted and retwisted the cap of the bottle, "Told me it had been over for weeks, and neither of us had the courage to break it off."  
  
This was news to Scout. Much as he hated to admit it, he had to say that he'd thought the relationship between Bella and Sean had been the result of an intense, unfaltering attraction and attachment on both sides. Apart from the mental infidelity of Bella and him, he admitted silently. Scout squashed the thought right back down, and turned back towards Sean.  
  
"Is that what you thought as well?" any previous antagonism between the boys had seemed to evaporate with the presence of a common enemy.  
  
Sean shrugged. "We were just the same as ever," He pulled his rucksack towards him, pulling it open. "Perhaps that was it though. Things weren't the same as always. Everything had changed, but me and her- we hadn't."  
  
For a second, there was an uncomfortable silence; Scout unable to decide whether an offering of sympathy would be classed as hypocritical or not. It didn't feel like it would be, but then everything seemed upside down and inside out tonight. Who would have thought that him and Sean would ever be able to sit down and talk? All the time they'd known each other, their meetings had brought out the worst in both of them. They were irrational and over reacted to the simplest circumstances. They both went out of their way to promote the values that normally had them up in arms; Sean with his townie status, and Scout with his rich boy one.  
  
"Aww, shit." Sean had managed to upend his rucksack all over the dusty floor.  
  
He dropped to his knees in an attempt to gather together the mountain of belongings he carried around daily.  
  
"Here, let me help,"  
  
"You might not like what you find," Sean mumbled, with a darkened attempt at a smile. "I haven't emptied this bag in months."  
  
"You mean your stuff will be getting up and walking away from us, then," Scout joked as he joined the other boy on the ground.  
  
"It's a bit too dark for this" Sean muttered, as he attempted to stuff his rucksack once more, banging elbows with Scout as he did so.  
  
"Sorry," they were both foraging under the bleachers, picking up school books, scruffy dog-eared files with bits of paper falling out, sports socks - ewww, Scout tried to smile as him and Sean both went for the same worn sock.- pencils, magazines  
  
"How on earth did you manage to pack all this stuff into that bag?" Scout was amazed. "It's like the tardis in there,"  
  
"Tardis?"  
  
"Doctor Who," Scout clarified.  
  
"Oh, right," Sean was no better off, never having seen an episode. "I don't watch much TV," he admitted, doing a final scrabble around under the bleachers, and trying to force the bag shut. "Remind me to be more organised in future," he laughed, leaning back onto the bleachers so that he could look up at the stars. Scout joined him, staring up into the cloudy blackness that surrounded them.  
  
"Makes everything seem, kinda insignificant, doesn't it," Scout let his gaze pan across the scattering of tiny glittering beacons that littered the night sky.  
  
"Will used to say that," for a second, Sean was lost in his own history, "Sometimes, when we were little, we used to come out here at night, look at the stars. Will said it made him realise how unimportant the stuff with his dad was. I never used to believe him," he added as an afterthought. "But now. it could be true."  
  
Scout bit his lip, the night air cold across his chest.  
  
"We used to name them all," Sean admitted, "Our own personal universe." He pointed upwards - "That one up there, we used to think looked like a rooster,"  
  
"Which one?" Scout craned his neck, but couldn't make anything out.  
  
Sean sighed. "No imagination, you," he grabbed Scout's hand and aimed it right at the constellation, making the shape with his fingers. "Now d'you see?"  
  
Scout did. For whatever reason, the air suddenly still around them, the cloudless sky above them, neither boy let go. Neither boy flinched away from the touch of Scout's knee to Sean's. And neither boy said a single word.  
  
"Oh, sod it," Sean muttered, grasping Scout's fingers tighter as he leant over and pressed his dry lips against Scout's. Pulling back a little so he could see Scout's eyes, he pressed their still grasped fingers down into the dusty bench.  
  
The silence stretched on and on, their breathing audible on the silent night. "Wha. what was that?" Scout whispered, not making any move to break away from Sean's tight hold. He wedged his free hand under his thigh, desperate to quell its intention to move instinctively towards the other boy. Still he couldn't tear his gaze away from Sean's - despite the terrible darkness, every contour of his face was visible. Scout leaned up and touched his lips to Sean's, dry skin against dry skin, his tongue forcing an entrance into Sean's rigid mouth. As their tongues touched, the frisson of excitement that had overcome Scout fused into a tidal wave of attraction. Feeling like he'd been kicked in the gut, he pulled Sean tighter and tighter, plunging his tongue deeper and deeper. And Sean. Sean was responding to his touch, Sean's hand was running through his hair, pulling his head closer and closer in.  
  
Scout felt as if he was drowning under Sean; sinking deeper and deeper in. His head, slower to catch up than his heart, was screaming inside his mind - what the hell are you doing?? Stop!! - for a brief moment, reality had stepped out of the window. Pushing away, dragging his mouth from Sean's, Scout clambered to his feet, hawking away from the bleachers. Wiping the back of his hand across his bruised mouth, he stared, open eyed, across at Sean, "What the fuck was that about?" he managed, his voice shaking.  
  
Sean, his voice equally unsteady, was edging further and further back, "God knows," he let his fingers graze his mouth, longing for the touch of Scout's lips once more.. "It was just a spur of the moment thing. pissed off at Bella," he mumbled.  
  
Scout knew he was lying. For a long moment, they did nothing but stare helplessly across at each other, the darkness penetrating them wordlessly.  
  
"I'd better go. curfew," Scout muttered.  
  
"Rawley's not all perfect then," Sean couldn't resist his typical barb.  
  
Scout shook his head awkwardly, wondering why he was finding it so hard to leave.  
  
"Are. are you working tomorrow?" Sean asked suddenly, scuffing the toe of his trainer in the dust.  
  
Scout shrugged, "I'm in for the evening shift," he murmured, as the moonlight caught Sean's blonde hair in its gentle shaft. He stuck his hands in his pockets and trudged back towards Rawley. 


	2. Ice

Authors Note: These characters don't belong to me, I'm only borrowing them. This is also slash (i.e m/m contact) and contains strong language. Think I've said it all now! Oh, please hit the review key when you've finished reading.  
  
  
  
Feels Like Home : Part Two : Ice  
  
Neither Scout nor Will had slept well. Will, crouched over a book of critical essays, had been slurping coffee till gone two; whilst Scout had been tossing and turning. The intermittent sounds of Will working had served only to irritate him further, when normally Scout lay oblivious, being a notoriously heavy sleeper. At about half two, Scout had taken up residence on the windowsill, staring out into the darkness, trying to catch a glance of the moonlight reflecting off the lake water. Images floated across his mind, the memory of Sean staring down at him tearing at his gut. Nothing made sense any more. At half past three, after listening to the fitful movements of a sleepless Will, Scout's head touched the glass, and he slept as he sat.  
  
* * *  
  
Finn noticed their inattention first.  
  
"Not with us today, gentlemen?" his voice icy, after the boys had neglected to answer the second question tossed in their general direction. Will, huge dark shadows lengthening under his tired eyes, forced a smile and attempted an answer. Scout glanced out of the window.  
  
"Not bad, Krudski," Finn let his star pupil off with a wan smile, "You've redeemed yourself for this lesson. Mr Calhoun?"  
  
Scout's attention flicked momentarily back to the English class. For a second, he struggled to recall the book they were reading, then clumsily attempted to string a coherent sentence together.  
  
Finn raised an eyebrow. "I'll see you after class, Scout."  
  
* * *  
  
Scout tossed his apron on the counter, and ran his fingers through his hair, stifling a yawn. Friendly's was never that busy in the early evenings; there was a general lull between the after-school rush and the more steady business they did in the evening. Under normal circumstances the staff craved customers, anything to relieve the tedium of an empty café. Tonight, however, Scout was pre-occupied. Several times people had had to ask twice before he focused on them, dragging his mind away from his memories of the previous night. He still couldn't make head nor tail of it all. Had it really happened? Had he and Sean. kissed? Had they come together, fused? Yesterday he'd been so sure of himself, so sure of his feelings for Bella. Today? Sean haunted his every thought. Briefly, he let his eyes close, tiredly massaging his neck, stiff from sleeping propped up against the glass.  
  
"You didn't get much sleep either, then,"  
  
"I didn't hear you come in," Scout swallowed hard, scared by his body's reaction to Sean's presence. He yearned to reach across the counter and take his hand, feel his skin against his own, touch his lips to his. Scout struggled to regain his composure.  
  
Sean shrugged. "I was quiet," He let his gaze meet Scout's. "I couldn't sleep last night,"  
  
Scout's gaze dropped first, "Me neither," he muttered, fixing Sean a coffee. Neither boy knew what to say.  
  
"When do you finish?" Sean asked eventually, toying with a napkin.  
  
"Twenty minutes or so," Scout ostensibly began cleaning the surfaces down, wiping coke slurps and the odd stray onion off. For a second, he let his gaze meet Sean's, confused by what he saw there - confusion, worry. And a tiny attempt at a smile.  
  
They arranged to meet down by the lake in half an hour.  
  
*  
  
"Here, I thought you might like a drink," Scout handed Sean a takeaway coke.  
  
"Ice?" Sean was cagily thankful, aware that no one remembered he hated ice in his drinks.  
  
"No ice," Scout smiled, and sank down on to the upturned boat next to Sean. Doing his best not to touch the other boy, he shifted, surprised by how uncomfortable the peeling ridges were. Once again, dusk was falling, the last shafts of sunlight outlining the ripples across the lake. Sean was staring out onto the tiny island just off the shore.  
  
"We've got to talk," he said eventually.  
  
Scout took a long slurp of his can of Pepsi. He usually neglected to mention his predilection for Pepsi over Coke, wondering whether he was committing some kind of heresy by preferring the weaker brand. "About last night?"  
  
"About everything." Sean turned to face the other boy, his eyes searching out Scout's. "Dammit, Scout, we've only ever really fought each other. then what? We just start kissing? I don't get it."  
  
"You said it yourself it was a spur of the moment thing. We were shocked about Bella, that was all-"  
  
"Was that all?" For a second, Sean's eyes betrayed his hurt.  
  
"I'm not gay, you know," Scout was suddenly adamant. "Bella." he tailed off. She was his sister, for fuck's sake.  
  
"Bella." Sean murmured. For a moment he remembered them together, remembered the swish of her long hair as it fell down across his face, the touch of her lips to his, the way they could lay on the sofa and watch TV all afternoon, play fight, row across the lake, remembered the gentle smell of her shampoo as he pulled her close, other, more intimate smells. The smell of her soap mixed up with the pungent scent of motor oil. Then he remembered something else. the graze of stubble across his face, the touch of muscle to muscle, and the faint aftershave scent assailing his nostrils. He fought to quell the wave of desire that swept over him, forcing himself to think of his and Scout's previous relationship. Jeez, the guy had almost spelled the end of him and Will. Fighting at his party. Fighting at the drive-in. The constant tension when it had been the three of them - him, Scout and Bella. "This is all so fucked up," he muttered.  
  
"You're telling me," Scout shot the other boy a sidelong glance, letting his eyes rest on him for a long moment. Sean was mindlessly stirring his coke with a red and white striped straw, a muscle throbbing periodically in his cheek. Cute. Scout tried to brush the uninvited thought away, "I mean.. We hardly know each other."  
  
Sean glanced at his watch, "Shit, I've gotta run - I promised my Mom I'd help her tonight -"  
  
Scout shrugged, suddenly cold in early evening light. "Sure. Whatever." His eyes followed a tiny bird, hopping from one swaying branch to another.  
  
"Don't be like that," Sean dropped his cup on the floor, and hesitantly let his hand touch Scout's forearm. "I really do have to go."  
  
Scout felt a sudden compelling urge to grasp Sean's hand and never let go. He felt the slight roughness of the fingers grazing his skin, evidence of the constant swing of a baseball bat and the love of his bike. Where had all this come from, he wondered haphazardly, as he let his fingers slide into Sean's.  
  
Sean groaned and leaned in towards him, his lips brushing Scout's. Gently at first, then pressing harder, his tongue forcing an entry. Scout, emotionally unable to do anything other than submit, responded with equal intensity, their bodies pushing against one another, hands grasping. Eventually, desperate for breath, finger tracks through their hair, they pulled away.  
  
"When can I see you again?" Suddenly, Scout couldn't give a damn. Throwing caution to the winds, he reached for Sean's hand. "I want to see you again," he repeated, not taking his eyes off of Sean.  
  
"I. I don't know, " Sean stood up, weak from the intensity of it all, he pulled away from Scout's touch. Desperate to hide his nervousness, his hand closed around a piece of bark, his fingers shredding. "I never planned this," he finished lamely.  
  
"You think I did?" Scout could feel his courage waning in the face of opposition, and lashed out to save his own dwindling pride, "Do you think I wanted to want this? To want you?" he let his gaze rest on the water in front of him, refusing to look at the other boy, "Dammit, Sean, what the hell would people say, what would they say if they knew, if they knew."  
  
"If they knew that you'd kissed me. And come back for more, " Sean's voice was harsh, unwillingly angry as he felt Scout retreating away from him, felt the arms that moments before had been open, beginning to close. "Perhaps it's better that it ends now then, before anybody else gets hurt,"  
  
There was a long pause, neither boy glancing at the other.  
  
"Is that what you want?" Scout mumbled, his knuckles white from where he was gripping the boat so tightly. He forced himself to look across at Sean, forced himself to acknowledge his presence.  
  
"I don't know.I don't know what I want," Sean admitted finally, not letting his eyes meet Scout's. Everything was going so quickly. Fear was overwhelming him, freezing his fingers, damming his nerve-endings. "I just need some time." he mumbled finally.  
  
Scout let out a deep breath, unable to fully comprehend the wave of feeling that was assailing him. "So this is it then." He managed, his stomach churning.  
  
"No." Sean bit his lip, willing himself not to lean over and touch him, forcing himself to stay still. "I just. just need to understand what I'm feeling. Is that so difficult to comprehend?"  
  
Scout shrugged. "How much comprehension do you need?"  
  
"What?" Sean took a step closer, the movement involuntary.  
  
"Just enough comprehension to figure out which one of us you'd rather be fucking, is it?" his voice was low and harsh, "The blonde or the brunette, Sean, which one will it be? Bella or me? Which 'lucky' one of us gets you?" Scout was plucking the grass in handfuls where it grew against the discarded boat, hurriedly dropping handful after handful into the gently lapping lake. Small shafts of green floated first one way, then the breeze caught them, blowing them another. Across the lake, the evening sun was slowly descending behind the sea of greenery. Everything was ending once more.  
  
Sean dropped his hand briefly onto Scout's resisting shoulder, "Go fuck yourself, Calhoun," he said lightly. The only response was a tiny twitch of the shoulder muscle, before Sean stumbled away into the mounting dusk. 


	3. Playing at Kids

Authors Note: So, this has taken me a while to upload. And, because I haven't made a point of it before, these characters don't belong to me, I'm only borrowing them. This is also slash (although if you've got to part three I'm assuming you've realised this!) and contains strong language. Think I've said it all now! Oh, please hit the review key when you've finished reading.  
  
  
  
Feels Like Home : Part Three : Playing at Kids  
  
Will sighed heavily, tearing his gaze away from the mountain of work in front of him. Whose stupid idea had the extra credits been, and who the hell needed to understand predicate logic anyhow? He dumped the half-read book back on the desk, and flicked a sidelong glance towards his roommate. Scout was chewing the end of his biro, staring out of the window. He held open a science book, but Will hadn't heard a page turn for ages.  
  
"Whatcha upto Calhoun?" Will lobbed a crumpled piece of graph paper at him, left over from his earlier lab report.  
  
"Fuck off, Krudski," Scout shrugged the paper away, and turned back to his book.  
  
Will shook his head. Living with Scout had turned into a living nightmare these past few days; on a par with living with his father. He was tired of creeping around; monitoring what he said to make sure it didn't piss off Scout. Frankly, he was sick of it. Scratching his head, he leant back in his chair, stretching out. He'd been working for hours, and it was beginning to get to him.  
  
It had been getting a little colder recently - gone were the days of summer lessons on the lawns - even Finn had cancelled crew training until further notice. The teacher was trying to persuade Will onto one of the other teams, throwing opportunities on the swimming team in his general direction, and promising a red hot chance on the new Rugby team. Will had raised an eyebrow at this. Finn had shrugged, and muttered something about Ryder complaining about discrimination against the English contingent of the student body. The Flemings had been forced into it, Will concluded, with a cynical grin. He'd like to see a similar response from an idea he'd initiated.  
  
Suddenly, he longed for a sight other than these four walls, a sound other than the combined breathing of the two boys, a smell other than slightly stale sportswear - Scout was one of the few guys not put off exercising by the ever-increasing cold, and his filthy trainers littered the floor. Jeez, couldn't he ever tidy up after himself? What was he supposed to do, run around after the poor little trust-fund baby till graduation? Will cursed himself for the deterioration of their relationship, but didn't know what to do with himself. Shrugging, he reached for his rucksack. "I'm gonna wander into town," he told a blank Scout, "anything I can get for you?" His only reply was a grunt Will interpreted as a no. Jeez.  
  
* * *  
  
New Rawley was just as it had always been, Will concluded with a sigh. Contemplating what to do, he'd looked in on his mom, who'd given his hair a lacklustre tousle and told him he looked tired.  
  
"Are you working too hard, my boy?"  
  
He'd tried to shrug it off, "Me? Work too hard? Never." But just like she always had; she knew he was lying. She always did.  
  
"As you wish, Will." She'd been quiet as he'd left. Was there anybody he wasn't pissing off at the moment?  
  
He'd found Sean by the old school field, making skateboard jumps out of the remains of an old pallet.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Nice way to say hey to your best friend," Will dropped his rucksack, and squatted on the kerb.  
  
"Didn't think I was worth hanging with now," Sean had one foot on the board, the other on the floor, slowly rolling the board backwards and forwards under the pressure of his toe. "Thought I wasn't good enough for you now you had the rich guys to be friends with." Totally unwarranted, an image of Scout flicked across his mind. He gave the skateboard an extra hard kick in response.  
  
"Don't be like that," Will was too tired to deal with anybody's histrionics, let alone Sean's. He just needed a break, "You've always been my best friend, Sean, and I don't intend to let anybody from Rawley change that. Do you?" The question was pointed.  
  
Sean said nothing, just kept moving the board. Try as he might, he couldn't rid himself of the image of arms first opening, then closing in front of him. Opportunities passing him by. Opportunities to ruin the friendship he valued so highly in Will. An opportunity he would have taken if given the chance; he began to bite his thumb, scared by what he might have given up by fooling around with Scout. He couldn't look at his best friend.  
  
"Jesus," Will muttered, "Is there anyone in this world who isn't pissed off with me right now?"  
  
The other boy turned to face him, noticing for the first time Will's pale skin, the waxy sheen that seemed to have arrived overnight. He also noticed the deepening shadows under those lacklustre eyes, and the slight looseness of the trousers as they hung lower than before over his hips. What the hell was going on in this town? Everything seemed to be unravelling at the seams. "It's not you," Sean admitted finally, sinking down onto the sidewalk beside his friend. He ran his calloused fingers across the board in front of him, feeling its smooth surface, feeling a certain satisfaction in its honed response to his touch.  
  
"It certainly feels like it is me everyone's pissed off with," Will broke into a chewing gum packet, and automatically offered it sideways to Sean, who turned the packet over to check the flavour.  
  
"Don't you ever remember I hate peppermint?" Sean forced a smile, and dug deep into his own pocket for a piece of spearmint. He sighed, and flicked a glance towards his best friend, "It really isn't you, you know," he struggled for words, always subconsciously feeling the intellectual inferior next to Will, "I. don't know what's wrong with everybody," he ended lamely.  
  
Will shook his head, wondering why the hell it had all gone pear- shaped. There had been a time when he'd been able to read Sean's mind like a book. Sean's natural tendency towards 'strong and silent' had never been a barrier between the boys, who'd slipped in and out of each other's consciousness as easily as they did their own. Where had that gone, hey? Will was having trouble even hazarding a guess at the root cause of Sean's bad temper. "Is it Bella?" was his first haphazard guess.  
  
A mixture of emotions flitted across his friend's face, finally coming to rest on a tired smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It's just taking me longer to get over her than I thought it would," Sean jumped up and onto the skateboard, moving around to get another go at the jump.  
  
Will raised an eyebrow. He may forget Sean's favourite flavour of chewing gum, but he was still aware of the bloody obvious. That was a lie if ever he'd seen one.  
  
*  
  
Sean watched Will leave, half an hour later, and wondered what had changed in his life. He was still doing the same stuff as ever, baseball, bike, skateboarding. But now he was doing it alone. Will, with his yah sports, rowing his way around the lake, learning how to tackle and score tries on the rugby pitch, had no interest in the games of their childhood. Sean was struggling to keep up with his maturing friend, and it was beginning to feel cold in the ever-increasing shadows. He blinked, suddenly shivering. Everywhere around him was blanketed with the same, empty, lonely, glow. 


	4. Thursday Night

Authors Note: I'm going to say it again: These characters don't belong to me, I'm only borrowing them. This is also slash (i.e m/m contact) and contains strong language.  
  
It is taking me ages to write this. I've been working two jobs all Christmas, and now I'm supposed to be studying for exams. Hmmmm. I spent the best part of the day re-writing this.  
  
Thankyou to those people who have reviewed – I really appreciate it. Please tell me how you like the way this is going.  
  
Oh, and one last thing – the idea for this story came from a challenge on Courtney's required reading page. So, thanks go to Jonathan.  
  
This is dedicated to Andrew. Who still doesn't know. Or who probably does, but is declining to mention it.  
  
Feels Like Home : Part Four : Thursday  
  
Scout wasn't concentrating on the customers that Thursday evening. All he could think about was the returned paper in his bag, the one with the attached sheet that read 'This piece is not worthy of marking – Fail' in Finn's spiky handwriting. He'd slipped it inside his Biology notes in the hope that it could be forgotten; at least ignored for a while. No such luck. The words bore out at him, the meaning indelibly stamped on his mind. Finn had kept him back after class, moving him forward to the front of the classroom. "I understand that you are under a lot of pressure at the moment, Scout," he'd begun, his eyes never leaving Scout's face. Scout had squirmed under the unblinking gaze. "I know you that you have things you need to work through," Scout's head had shot up at that. Did he know? Did he realise all about Sean…? But his eyes were dark, and gave away nothing. He was merely aware, as always, that his student's mind was on something other than his work. He'd offered assistance, an 'always open door'. Scout had shrivelled under the patient gaze of his teacher, and made his excuses. "You can't keep letting your work suffer this way, Calhoun," Finn had finished by saying, "You are perilously close to failing the semester already, and you need to get your mind back on the work."  
  
Chance would be a fine thing.  
  
Scout took aim, and lobbed the cloth into the sink behind the counter. He'd just finished wiping the tables down, and he was tired. He took a perch on one of the tall stools by the cash register, and glanced down at his watch. Only twenty minutes before closing, and no customers. An easy ride. Without even thinking about it, his gaze slipped through the café and across the road, willing Bella to be there. If she was, this whole nightmare might have been avoided. Bella would never have dumped Sean if things had stayed the same and she'd stayed with her dad in the garage.  
  
Wishful thinking.  
  
Kissing Sean may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. It may have opened a whole can of worms that Scout didn't want to deal with right now… for a second, Scout was overwhelmed by memories of the fierce touch of muscle to muscle, the feeling of the other boy's tough fingers in his hair, raking his skin… his musky smell. Scout took a deep breath, longing to feel the other boy close again. Why had he ever risked it all?  
  
No. It wasn't the kisses that had Scout in a whirl. It was the absence. Missing Sean was a whole different ball game.  
  
When had things changed, he wondered haphazardly, his mind still enjoying the pleasures of a good memory. When was it that Sean had slipped into his subconscious and taken root? Why did it feel like a whole part of his life was missing now? Arguments and disagreements over Bella had left him tired, emotional and most unfairly put-upon, but never before had he been left both mentally and physically exhausted, with the vague feeling that there was some sort of world continuing outside the confines of his tired mind. And nothing had ever really hurt this much before, either. Desperate to overcome it, he pulled the latest English text out of his bag, determined to make a start on work again. He couldn't fail.  
  
*  
  
Sean was half way through his second box set when his mother finally flipped.  
  
"SEAN! Will you turn that goddamn Buffy nonsense off and do something else??" She'd flung his jacket at him in despair, the constant sound of kicking butt and the sound of desolate-but-witty-teenage-angst-despite- perils-of-the-undead finally having caused her to hit boiling point.  
  
"Mom…" he'd whined, more reminiscent of his younger brother than himself. His Mom raised an eyebrow and flicked the wet tea towel at him.  
  
"I want you out of this house and doing something constructive for a change, Sean." Relenting a little when she saw his frown, she shrugged, "Why don't you go see what Will is up to?"  
  
"Probably playing croquet and having tea on the lawn," Sean muttered under his breath.  
  
"I heard that, young man."  
  
Sean dulled the TV.  
  
Man, last year had been different. The longer evenings had given him and Will the opportunity to set and re-set high scores on whatever computer game had been the current rage, with Will giving him a running commentary on whichever book he was devouring that day. In between, they'd worked a bit on homework, Will completing his with ease, whilst Sean lagged happily behind. Then in the garage, they'd fiddled around with the old scalextric, building a scale model of Brands Hatch from a plan Will had found on the Internet. Somehow, the idea of racing electric cars by himself didn't hold the same appeal. With a sigh, he dug his hands deep into his pockets, suddenly cold in the fall evening air.  
  
*  
  
Will wasn't working. He wasn't even there.  
  
That was obvious from the moment Sean walked into the empty diner to find Scout slumped at the counter, thumbing a well-read book. He took a very deep breath; he was suddenly feeling like his heart had taken up residence in his throat.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Scout dropped the book like it was on fire. He jumped off the stool, catching his foot on the leg and stumbling into the counter. The stool tumbled to the floor. He rubbed his damp hands on his regulation navy polyester trousers, and felt a blush steal up his face. "Hey," he managed to reply.  
  
Sean couldn't suppress a grin as he moved forward to pick the stool up again, setting it upright. He was right next to the other boy now, close enough to catch a faint whiff of Calvin Klein. "Are you alright?" he asked hesitantly, his fingers grazing Scout's forearm.  
  
Scout struggled not to flinch from the touch, memories of their last meeting assailing him from every angle. His eyes scanned Sean's face wildly, desperately seeking some kind of assurance. "Look…" he said finally, the blush sneaking further up his pale face, "I'm sorry about what I said…"  
  
Sean, embarrassed by Scout's apparent rejection, sank into one of the booths. "What…?"  
  
Scout was tying and untying his apron, his fingers slippery with nerves, "When I said… you know… about you and Bella and me, and having to choose… and… well, I'm sorry." he finished rather lamely. Glancing around wildly, his eyes came to rest on the cappuccino machine, "Do you want a drink?"  
  
"Coke." Sean watched as Scout moved around the counter, and with shaking fingers filled a glass. "I just needed some time," he explained, mindlessly rocking the saltcellar back and forth, "Some time to… I don't know… try and figure things out." He shot a glance at Scout's back, "You've gotta admit that this whole thing has been a bit… different."  
  
Scout shrugged, depositing the drink in front of him, and sank down on the opposite chair. Different wasn't quite the word he'd use. "No ice," he murmured, as Sean took a cautionary glance down into the dark liquid. For a second, their eyes met, and Sean grinned. Scout couldn't help smiling back, his chestnut hair sliding into his eyes as he did so. It was almost as if the last few days hadn't even happened. "And have you…?" Scout asked finally, a smile still playing on his lips as he pushed his hair back, his eyes never leaving Sean's face.  
  
"Have I what? Figured things out?" Sean nodded. He was entranced by Scout's face, the crinkled smile, floppy hair, his laughing eyes. Dragging his glance away, he let his eyes rest on Scout's fingers. With a tearing breath, he reached across the table and let his fingers graze Scout's.  
  
"I told you before that I wanted to see you again," Scout muttered, with a sharp intake of breath, his fingers intertwining with Sean's. Which fingers were his, and which weren't?  
  
"Is that still true?" Sean stifled a groan as Scout's long fingers teased his palm. He shifted in his seat, leaning closer over the table. Every fibre in his being was aching; he'd never experienced anything remotely similar before, never needed to touch somebody before. He'd never needed anyone before.  
  
Scout closed the gap, his fingers still stroking the other boy's palm as his lips found Sean's. With a ragged breath, he pushed closer, their dry lips pressing desperately against one another. Reluctantly, with the taste of him on his lips, he pulled away, shooting a desultory glance towards the door. "We're still open," he mumbled, his heart jumping.  
  
"Shall I take that as a yes then?" Sean was squeezing Scout's hand as if he couldn't let go, whilst his free hand unconsciously grazed his damp lips. As if catching up with Scout's train of thought, his gaze swung to the door. "Don't worry…" he gripped his hand harder, "there's nobody around. They're all watching the big game tonight."  
  
Scout forced himself to concentrate on what Sean was saying, but tiny frissons of fear were running all over his body. What if somebody had seen them? What if somebody said something?  
  
"There's nobody around, Scout," Sean reiterated, reading the other boy's mind, "Nobody saw us."  
  
"I'm sorry," Scout muttered, "I just freaked out a bit." Still, he didn't try and pull away from Sean's touch. "I don't think I could stay away from you if I tried," he mumbled eventually, too embarrassed to meet Sean's gaze.  
  
"I'm glad to hear that," Sean muttered, ducking his face downwards to try and meet Scout's eyes, "I would have felt really stupid if I was the only one to feel like that."  
  
Shocked, Scout's head shot up. After gazing speechlessly into Sean's dark eyes, he couldn't help the huge smile that spread across his face. "Really?" he managed finally, pulling his hand from Sean's in surprise.  
  
Sean nodded, "Really." Briefly, he touched his hand to Scout's face, "I've never felt this way about anyone before," he admitted quietly, before reluctantly getting to his feet.  
  
"Where are you going?" Scout looked up in alarm.  
  
"Don't worry so much," Sean laughed, and let his fingers grip Scout's once more. "I've got to get home before my Mom worries too much. I've been wandering around for hours."  
  
"Oh." Scout glanced down at their intertwined fingers. "Do you want to…"  
  
"What?" Sean couldn't take his eyes off of their twisting fingers.  
  
"… want to meet up tomorrow?"  
  
Sean's smile lit up his face. They arranged to meet up the following evening, and with one last lingering glance, Sean turned to go.  
  
*  
  
As the door banged shut behind Sean, the person who'd been watching the boys in stunned amazement for the last ten minutes took the opportunity to slip away, pulling a baseball cap further down over their fair hair. 


End file.
